Like a VIRGIN

5. dubna 2009 v 1:41 | Amor |  orgasmus dne

The spring has finally arrived, hallelujah! Whenever the day comes when I step outside and feel the sunshine burning my skin, my blood goes boiling. It's been the same every year but some years the healing properties of sun extend to having effects on my brain too. That usually happens when something new enters my life and takes it over by a storm.



No, it's never connected to the fact that I'd get sunburned at the very first chance, because since I spent time living in Mexico, where there's no escape from sun and after a week one doesn't bother with any sunscreen lotion, I just turn brown with as much ease as I can drink a bottle of champagne.


Here in Prague I've always associated the warm feeling of spring with the first slowpitch softball tournament of the particular year. For some it means an unbearably hot weekend full of running around the diamonds hitting, chasing and diving for the balls. For me, my blood would be boiling from the excitement of the games rather than from the sun. With people running in search of a shade for their dear life, I'll happily sit out on the sun and let it penetrate every cell in my body. And I do it with much enjoyment.

This year is special thou, because for the first time this week I've taken out my golf clubs onto the outdoor training course. Those of you who have followed the same traditional route of learning to play during wintertime in order to be ready for the coming up season must surely agree that switching from an indoor driving course to the real environment is a big change. You can already have a good swing technique and be confident in your skills but you're always in for a big surprise.

Switching from the artificial plastic grass to the real green can be compared to something like learning to have an orgasm thinking you know you've already have one and then realizing things are never what they seem to be and that you need to train much more until you can actually feel the orgasm and be absolutely sure you've just had one. Or two, or three…

Another good way of explaining it is a comparison to learning about champagne. Just like the golf pros say you need to hit at least a thousand balls in golf to be sure you've mastered your swing, with champagne you need to sample at least a hundred different brands and cuvees until you can say you know anything about it. Both disciplines take a lifelong time of mastering them but it's definitely wise to invest more time and energy into playing golf than drinking champagne. Although it's such a shame these two things can't be done at once, it's safe to say taking one thing at a time and doing it properly is the right way to success.

So back to outdoor golf training sessions. My very first one was supposed to bring me on the verge of a nervous breakdown but that didn't happen. Yes I must admit, at times I'd become frustrated that I can do a perfect practice swing without a ball but as soon as the ball was there to be hit, I'd start gardening instead. Still, at the end of that day I was actually quite happy, because my overall score was 50/50 on both chipping and full swings.

Yet I still felt like a virgin. I had exactly the same feeling like when I was shooting for my first orgasm or discovering the taste of stars in the form of Perrier Jouet vintage champagne. I just realized that I was still not in full sync with my golf clubs. My pro says that the discrepancies are not related to my body but are all in my head. Well, that actually makes sense, if we consider that neither sex nor champagne is just and only about proper body movements and the effects of those.

I'm so happy that my outdoor golf training sessions this week have been filled with sun. I know that for reasons of etiquette I can't play in swimming bikinis but I can't do that on softball diamond either unless I want to take the risk of infecting the possible battle wounds with clay. At least skirts are not prohibited in golf, whereas in softball those would make me into a spectacle and I could even be accused of trying to distract the male opponents' focus on the game. Either way, with the sun above my head I can't help myself but expose as much flesh to the warm rays for more energy boost resulting in abstract happiness.

Fair enough, the combination of sun, outdoor sport and champagne is dangerous to the point of fatality. But still, it provides a good balance to the darkness of the darkness filled things in life which are inevitable and unavoidable. Letting the sun boil my blood to thousand degrees darkening my skin to the colour of a high quality milk chocolate while playing golf or softball or just larking about in the park with equally crazy partner in crime for that matter, all followed by a nice bottle of champagne and passionate love making equals to a trip to heaven and back.

That is where the sun plays the key part: for me it has qualities resulting in total physical and emontional dependency or addiction, depending on the choice of wording. The time is nearing and the results will no doubt be outstanding. I'm falling in love again and I can't help it. Just bring it all on, I'm ready.

For those of you who are equally affected and can relate to what I'm talking about: see you at the golf course, the softball diamond, the park and at the beaches by the sea. Don't forget a bottle of champagne and some coconut oil. Let's play hard and enjoy ourselves to the extreme. The sun stays with us forever, enshallah!


PS: Happy birthday, Kubíčku!


Zdroj: internet.
 

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