A GOLF CLUB in one hand and a GLASS OF WINE in the other

11. dubna 2009 v 12:57 | Amor |  orgasmus dne

Some things are sacred to me. Ask me out to a golf course or a wine bar for a nice glass of champagne and I'll be ready in a second. I just can't help myself. Shove in a piece of rabbit and I'm all yours!

After a really bad winter I've been trying to focus on the first hobby of mine, golf that is. Not just because in the past few months I'd tasted so much wine I might as well have a break but also to get both in shape and ready for the golf season. After all, I can always go for a glass of wine after golf. That said, my idea of playing golf and drinking champagne at the same time has long left my crazy dirty mind. For one I know that it just not possible, because if it was, I'd waste no time and include having sex in the mix, making it three-in-one. Well, that is just like a homerun which can never make it past the homerun zone and you know it as soon as you're up against the pitcher for your hit.

Being better at drinking champagne rather than at playing golf makes no diference in the outcome of the particular event. Or it does, depending on what way you're looking at things. I can have a really bad start to a training session at the course and coming out of it well at the end, swinging like Tiger and being really chuffed with myself. Then I can go for a glass of champagne thinking how many bottles I've already had and I'll end up making a real arse of myself getting absolutely legless yet dancing at the bar to a Robbie Williams live show. Mind you, Robbie and champagne go together pretty well.

As I said, this spring I wanted to stay away from wine and focus on my golf skills. So far so good. But only until a friend from work called me to say that they are asking for me at the Champagne Bar, because I haven't showed up for so long and that apparently, they've become really worried about me thinking something might have happened to me. Oh God, I thought. As she went on and on I had to tell her about the invitation for the first wine tasting of this year which I'd received but to which I really didn't want to go… because I wanted to go play golf. Having said that I knew what would happen, it was in the post. The lass immediately suggested why not to go for a nice glass of wine and show up just to let them know I'm alive and well... What could I say to that? Perhaps something along the lines of that she should remember what happens when we take the place over? The heavens open up and the lightning strikes, you know, the perfect recipe for a disaster. But not only she was fully aware of the dangers, she seemed more than happy to go for them. Alright then, I said, I'll meet you up there.

So I went to the wine tasting, which was supposed to be a posh and small event for the very civilised lovers of Burgundy wines. Ten samples of what the sommelier presented as spring wines made up from two samples of champagne through three samples of white chardonnay and chablis to five samples of pinot noir:

- Philipponat brut reserve
- Philipponat rose
- Bourgogne chardonnay 2007 Olivier Laflaive
- Chablis 2007 grand cru "Valmur" Droin
- Auxey-Duresses 2003 Vieilles Vignes Diconne
- Moulin a Vent 2007 Jean Paul Brun
- Cotes de Nuits villages 2004 Millot
- Beaune 2004 1er cru "Clos de Roi" Domaine Dufouler
- Gevery-Chambertin 2004 Pierre Damoy
- Vosne-Romanee 2004 Robert Arnoux

The wines were accompanied by a selection of cheese, champagne crackers and most importantly, a beautiful yet simple spring ragu of rabbit prepared by the Michellin recommened Le Terroir restaurant.
All was going real well, because my friend was running late leaving me there all alone surrounded by people who understand the presented wine much more than me. I just had to give in and behave myself. As I was being poured a sample after a sample I was getting drunk, even thou I kept feeding on the given snack to try to stay sober. But it just wasn't to be. At the time the rabbit was on my table deep down inside I had to laugh at the idea of drinking fine Burgundy wine and eating what was essentially a prime example of the Czech bread rabbit even if it was prepared by a French style restaurant. The whole thing was as bizzare as me being there, since I so much prefer champagne to the "silent wine". But things were to take its own turn and I knew it. And so they did.
As soon as the lass finally arrived from work the place would turn upside down. Being late for the session she looked at the remarks I made to each of the samples I've tasted and ordered a glass of Chablis, which I marked as "YUMMY". Alongside it she tucked into her serving of the rabbit, meanwhile the rest of us effectively went through the last two samples off the list. Somehow she managed to get really loud and talkative before the event was over, discussing with the sommelier her experiences from taking cooking sessions at the posh Culinary Institute with chefs they both know and making a note of meeting Vaclav Havel at the U Paukerta eatery while lunching there the other day, pointing out I shoud've joined her for luch that day. By that time I was drunk and couldn't stop laughing, because I realized that the nice and quiet wine tasting event was ending not exactly as it had been planned.

When the serious lovers of Burgundy wines decided they were better off running away from the place, it was the time for the party to begin. All of a sudden the two of us were left alone with all the opened bottles of wine and the rabbit. I went up the wee bar and poured myself a glass of Philipponat (don't ask me if it was the brut reserve or rose, because I really couldn't say) while she got hold of the Chablis. As we drunk the bottles empty, we moved on to whatever else was left there meaning I was actually drinking the red pinot noir (again, which one it was is too much to ask for) and to the hot food bar where the rabbit was being kept in a big steel cooking-ware. I took off the lid and because there was no cutlery or plates nowhere to be found, we tucked right in with our hands. And that's how anyone who passed by would found us… leaning against a wall over the food bar with pieces of rabbit in one hand and a glass of wine in the other. For some such a sight could be something absolutely surreal and unbelieveable but to us, the staff and anyone who knows us it was perfectly normal. This was our regular way of having a wine tasting session. When we were done with the rabbit we eat all the vegetables left and then took bread to dip it in the sauce just as if we were on a mission to clean up the dish in a way my dogs would having the chance. The only diference between my dogs and us was that my dogs would never get dirty doing this work and we had the sauce splatterd all over our clothes and in my case even in my hair. I just couldn't stop laughing througout the whole thing. It took less than three hours for us to get into such a state, the state in which we are known to party when drinking wine.
We only moved to the bar after there was nothing else left to eat and of course, we took the rest of the wine with us. There we remained for another hour til we finished off whatever we were drinking. Being me I managed to knock over a full glass of champagne spilling it all over the bar and breaking it. As I tried to make excuses and apologies the sommelier just lauged knowing the party wouldn't be complete without me - and everyone in my immediate presence for that matter - to be literally dripping in champagne. Kill me if I'm wrong but as I said I didn't want to go be there that night. Aye, I really didnnae…

The next day I made it to the golf range, all sober and hungry for action. While I was practicing my favourite hybrid play, I was thinking of what happened last night and what I could actually put together from the wine tasting. What was it I liked so much, except of the well known Philipponat? I remembered nothing. The lass from work called me to say she spent the morning trying to get the rabbit stew stains off her shirt. I thought gosh, I just hung up my clothes as soon as I got home and if she didn't remind me, I'd still think they were in perfect condition. She told me I better do my laundry when I get home. God bless her! When my pro came in for my session and saw me there smacking in the balls with hybrid, he couldn't stop laughing. Just how many times he's told me to focus on my short play and technique rather than to kill balls with woods? As I went to get another bucket of balls he'd ask me how it's going and of course I said I was loving my hybrid play immensely. To that he replied that since I was so good with hybrid, we will - again - focus on the short play today. I just smiled. At the begining of the practice he asked me what was it I was doing last night when he called me up to arrange today's practice. Not even remembering we spoke I said honestly that I went to a wine tasting session. To that he started laughing hard and said that he thought I must had been drunk when we spoke, because apparently I made no sense whatsoever. At least, to his surprise, I showed up today for the trainging session. Well, not only I'd showed up, I was in such a good mood that I coudn't stop laughing for the next two hours as we went through the short play, pitching and chipping. I was having so much fun I even made a hole in while chipping. My first outdoor hole in of this year! When that happened I got all excited and jumped about shouting hole in, I made it! At this time and place my joy was as irrational as if I'd performed a hole-in-one at the ongoing Augusta tournament but I couldn't care less. Golfers are known to be crazy so I felt perfectly in. No need to say I stayed out playing and messing about with my golf clubs for full six hours that day, having an absolute blast…

And so the story goes on. Next step is the green card exam. My pro says I'm ready and that I should have no problem passing with flying colours unless I experience a total unexpected nervous breakdown during the play. He probably thinks I'm a perfect example of the idiot who's able to score half of the course on par just by a pure accident. I have the same feeling although I also know that I've always had to prove myself the hard way in order to beat all the great challenges I've ever faced. That's right. I did have to drink all the hundred different champagnes in order to learn something significant about them and to find out which ones I like the best. Having that in mind, you know full well how I will celebrate the green card. You have one guess...

Update: Just learned that I'm taking my green card exams at the Mstetice colf course, which is not exactly the easiest course in the world, especially when the rough grows unattended. Apparently it's hello of a work to get the ball out of it. Also, I've just been hit with an invitation for yet another wine tasting session, this time the focus is on German and French Rieslings, e.i. my favourite wite wine. For a good measure the lovely Larmandier-Bernier non dose Vertus champagne is thrown in. Someone is sure to get legless :o))

Thanks Champagne Bar!

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